screw Camus
Damn, here I go having feelings again. I hate this crap – deep breath and walk away. This should be easy, right – I’ve figured this shit out, haven’t I? Then why does it suck so much?
‘Life can be magnificent and overwhelming. that is it’s whole tragedy. without beauty, love, or danger it would almost be easy to live.’
~albert camus
I like to think that I can actually enjoy living like this. I like to believe that all the challenges in life should be seen as what makes me grow. They increase my capacity to feel joy and love and all the rest of that bullshit. I like to write about not getting attached or having expectations for an outcome, but I’m not sure it is something that I can actually do.
The truth is that I am pretty bad at embracing all of that. I get attached to shit and I don’t like feeling sad and confused. I have figured out how to avoid identifying with my emotions. I don’t let them define me, but I have a lot to figure out about how to be okay with feeling them. It seems that for now, I am doomed to feel ridiculous and confused and all kinds of other things that I am not okay with feeling even though I choose to feel them.
