the strangeness of having a little boy
It is a strange and wonderful thing to have a child. Trying to remember anything about what it is like to be 8 and what the world meant to me, so that I can get this right with him and let him see it through a child’s eyes while making him ready to go out into all. It is stranger that he is a boy, for truly, I know nothing of being a little boy. I can only guess at what I must try to encourage in his life. He is so creative and energetic and I try to find ways to support that but sometimes it is exhausting. For all the things I try to share with him, I have no idea how he will turn out. I guess that is the fascinating part — I say that I try not to get attached to outcomes and I want to raise my son that way.
We do all the basic things like reading, writing and doing math. He is a quick learner and I am more worried about boredom killing his love of it than anything else (I was eternally bored in school and it made it very hard to care about it – I think this is why I was so into music, it represented an actual challenge.) We supplement school with activities that teach him how to build things, how to cook, how to actually do stuff with a computer and that all seems to work out well. He skateboards, swims – with a great interest in diving, and loves to play soccer and chess. I panic every time he is up in a tree but remember the promise I made to myself about letting him be confident and explore his world. He is accomplished (for the tender age of eight) in archery, shooting, and horseback riding. He skis and snowboards a bit. He wants to take fencing lessons and learn how to water ski. We are soon to begin lessons in some sort of martial art. These all seem like things little boys like to do. . . .
He recently informed me that he knows how to tan a hide from a deer and described the process in extraordinary detail. Apparently, he has helped with this, talked of treating it with the brains and oak water. I am amazed to discover what he knows.
He is developing both a taste for and skill in art. He paints and sketches. We go to museums and look at art. We talk about what someone has created. This extends across centuries and genres. The most amazing thing is that he cares about all of it. With regards to music, we have the same thing happening. Just tonight, we talked about aboriginals and how they find their instruments. He was telling me what he knew of these young men going out, alone, to search for a didgeridoo and I was amazed to hear this out of the mouth of my kid.
He constantly amazes me. I decided, before he was born, that I would never limit him based on my own expectations but that I would expect extraordinary things and not judge when they fell short. My kid can learn all the things I listed up above and still never feel like he is accepted – I never want that. I never want him to feel like he is not good enough or that he has let me down. I decided that I would teach him what he needs to know to make good judgements. I want him to know how to listen and how to trust. I want him to believe there is goodness in the world and that he deserves some of that. I want him to love and know that he is loved.
I want him to approach life full of happiness and love but not naivete. He knows what he needs to do to stay safe. How to watch for cars when he crosses the street and not to take candy from strangers. I know the world has a dark side but he is 8 and there is plenty of time to learn about that.
Ethan has shown me that he is capable of extraordinary things. No telling where this road will take us. I hope I have the energy to keep up.
